aricadavidson: (Default)
aricadavidson ([personal profile] aricadavidson) wrote2008-06-19 09:49 pm
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Loving Wives are not Doormats

I really liked this article, as I've been berated for taking care of my husband before.

Loving Wives are not Doormats

[identity profile] iwerewolf.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
there's a difference between taking care of your husband and him equally reciprocating vs being a slave, where the man expects you to treat him like a king and you are to shut up, cook, clean for him/after him and be available whenever he wants to have sex. Never having a life outside the house, etc.

I see the latter in middle eastern homes a lot, actually it's the norm. I will probably struggle with the former once I finally get married. I did take care of my ex, but I think he took care of me just as much, if not more. Actually I know he took care of me just as much.
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[identity profile] aricadavidson.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
My husband has done so much to take care of me and yet when I want to reciprocate I've been fussed at by friends of mine and accused of not having my own mind.

Trust me, if I didn't have a mind of my own, my husband never would have married me. lol

[identity profile] iwerewolf.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
lol

you know it's funny, my ex used to treat me like a queen (clearly this was long before the break up), he'd do so much for me. There was once when we were sitting on the couch, watching a movie and eating. I got up to get a refill and he asked me to bring him something. I had to stop myself from getting mad. Obviously I had a life long expereince of being treated as a slave, or at least raised to think I was one since I'm a middle eastern woman, and well, how dare we be respected. I stopped myself from saying something and got it for him.

I told my friend about it and if she could have reached through the phone and slapped me, she would have. Because yeah, I got miffed at him asking, but she reminded me that he does so much for me, his request was nothing.

but again, it goes back to being treated like a slave.

[identity profile] 2cbetter2.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Isn't marriage supposed to be an equal partnership, give and take? It sounds like that's what you found with Carl so ignore anyone who wants to be critical of you giving back to him.

[identity profile] alliesings.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 02:59 am (UTC)(link)
That is such a good book! I've observed some happy marriages where the women really gets into her traditional role, and the husband always rises to the occasion. Some of that 'taking care' is public and some is private, but what a woman gains from it is more than worth it. From what I've observed, that kind of husband goes into super!mode when his wife is pregnant. I hope you're enjoying it.

[identity profile] reality-hammer.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 04:04 am (UTC)(link)
Behind every happy husband is an incredible wife. ;)

[identity profile] chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com 2008-06-20 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
I agree pretty much with what iwerewolf said, although I'm very suspicious of dr. Laura in general because I think some of her opinions on some subjects are total crap (she's notoriously homophobic, for example)