aricadavidson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aricadavidson) wrote2005-10-15 09:32 pm
aricadavidson) wrote2005-10-15 09:32 pm
Firefly Fic: Gone (SPOILER WARNING!!!!!)
Title: Gone
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: Serenity (the movie)
Rating: PG
Summary: Zoe POV and Speculation
“I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it.”
The soft rumbling of the engine, which had once been so comforting now served as a blatant reminder of what she’d lost… This was the ship that someone else was piloting, not her husband any longer. Yes, it had been an honorable death, a death in the name of doing what was right and just but still, it didn’t ease the pain. It didn’t stop the ache she felt when she went to sleep, smelling his scent still on the pillow, or the waking up and expecting him to be there next to her, with a smile and a joke.
Most of the crew had just opted to give her space, not wanting to offend her or face her wrath. Mal made sure she was okay every once in a while, but she couldn’t let down her façade in front of him, only Wash. He was probably the only person in the ‘verse who’d seen who she truly was deep down. Even Mal, as deep as their relationship went, hadn’t known her that well.
Two weeks? Was that all it had been since those damn Reavers had taken him from her? She would have killed every last one or died trying. Some part of her felt guilty for surviving. Some part felt guilty that River had done what she could not… she’d killed every single one of them. “At least they’re all dead,” she whispered softly. But she and Wash should have gone out together… should’ve died fighting side by side or at the very least, it should have been her, not him. She was the one who went on the dangerous missions daily. She was the one constantly putting her life in danger doing their jobs, not Wash. Why couldn’t it have hit her instead?
And now he’d never know… At the Heart of Gold, they’d argued over having a child and the timing being bad, but he’d finally understood what she’d been saying and they had tried. The ‘verse could have such cruel timing sometimes… because she’d only found out this morning. Captain didn’t know yet, no one else did. She found herself barely able to think… Her one last connection to Wash… in some ways cruel, but also a blessing because she would get to meet their child.
And she’d survive. She knew that. But she’d never forget him or love anyone else anything near as deep. She stood and started making her way to the bridge, almost turning away when she saw River playing with Wash’s dinosaurs absently.
“Gone.”
The word ran straight through Zoe.
“Gone but always here.” She looked up at Zoe. “Never forgotten.”
She reached out, handing Zoe one of the dinosaurs. “Words.”
She looked at River in confusion, looking at the stegosaurus blankly until River reached out knocking one of the spines off. “Words. Listen to the words.”
It suddenly hit her that what was in her hand was a recording disc of some kind. Completely focused on finding out what exactly it was, she strode back down the hallway to their quarters and put the disc in the reader.
“Hi honey. Uh yeah… so after that whole mess with your dead but alive army buddy Tracy, I thought about it a lot and decided that maybe I make a message of my own. I know that in this business we’re facing danger constantly and any of us could die any day. I know if I kick, then you’ll feel all sorts of guilty but I knew the risks baby. And I love you and always will. Just no poems at the funeral describing me as corpsified okay? But I’ll see you again, in whatever afterlife exists in this verse. Just take care of yourself and don’t do anything stupid. You’re stronger than I could ever hope to be… the strongest person I ever knew… and that’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. I love you baby, you are my autumn flower.”
Tears filled her eyes as the short message ended. He had always known what to say… what to say to touch her deeply and to give her hope to keep going.
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: Serenity (the movie)
Rating: PG
Summary: Zoe POV and Speculation
“I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it.”
The soft rumbling of the engine, which had once been so comforting now served as a blatant reminder of what she’d lost… This was the ship that someone else was piloting, not her husband any longer. Yes, it had been an honorable death, a death in the name of doing what was right and just but still, it didn’t ease the pain. It didn’t stop the ache she felt when she went to sleep, smelling his scent still on the pillow, or the waking up and expecting him to be there next to her, with a smile and a joke.
Most of the crew had just opted to give her space, not wanting to offend her or face her wrath. Mal made sure she was okay every once in a while, but she couldn’t let down her façade in front of him, only Wash. He was probably the only person in the ‘verse who’d seen who she truly was deep down. Even Mal, as deep as their relationship went, hadn’t known her that well.
Two weeks? Was that all it had been since those damn Reavers had taken him from her? She would have killed every last one or died trying. Some part of her felt guilty for surviving. Some part felt guilty that River had done what she could not… she’d killed every single one of them. “At least they’re all dead,” she whispered softly. But she and Wash should have gone out together… should’ve died fighting side by side or at the very least, it should have been her, not him. She was the one who went on the dangerous missions daily. She was the one constantly putting her life in danger doing their jobs, not Wash. Why couldn’t it have hit her instead?
And now he’d never know… At the Heart of Gold, they’d argued over having a child and the timing being bad, but he’d finally understood what she’d been saying and they had tried. The ‘verse could have such cruel timing sometimes… because she’d only found out this morning. Captain didn’t know yet, no one else did. She found herself barely able to think… Her one last connection to Wash… in some ways cruel, but also a blessing because she would get to meet their child.
And she’d survive. She knew that. But she’d never forget him or love anyone else anything near as deep. She stood and started making her way to the bridge, almost turning away when she saw River playing with Wash’s dinosaurs absently.
“Gone.”
The word ran straight through Zoe.
“Gone but always here.” She looked up at Zoe. “Never forgotten.”
She reached out, handing Zoe one of the dinosaurs. “Words.”
She looked at River in confusion, looking at the stegosaurus blankly until River reached out knocking one of the spines off. “Words. Listen to the words.”
It suddenly hit her that what was in her hand was a recording disc of some kind. Completely focused on finding out what exactly it was, she strode back down the hallway to their quarters and put the disc in the reader.
“Hi honey. Uh yeah… so after that whole mess with your dead but alive army buddy Tracy, I thought about it a lot and decided that maybe I make a message of my own. I know that in this business we’re facing danger constantly and any of us could die any day. I know if I kick, then you’ll feel all sorts of guilty but I knew the risks baby. And I love you and always will. Just no poems at the funeral describing me as corpsified okay? But I’ll see you again, in whatever afterlife exists in this verse. Just take care of yourself and don’t do anything stupid. You’re stronger than I could ever hope to be… the strongest person I ever knew… and that’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. I love you baby, you are my autumn flower.”
Tears filled her eyes as the short message ended. He had always known what to say… what to say to touch her deeply and to give her hope to keep going.
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Banazir