The plotline is rather believable, and the dialoguing between sid, weiss, and vaughn isn't bad, since theirs isn't usually too deep or calculated (darn young'uns), but I found your portrayal of Jack as very formulaic, robotic, and out of character. I think he would have handled that situation much differently. You make him sound the like cancer man, and while he may be a puppet master of sorts, he isn't the kind to cast himself so deeply into the role of "business over sid".